14 posts tagged “buddhism”

Compassion becomes a bridge to the world outside. Trust and compassion for oneself bring inspiration to dance with life, to communicate with the energies of the world. Lacking this kind of inspiration and openness, the spiritual path becomes the samsaric path of desire. One remains trapped in the desire to improve oneself, the desire to achieve imagined goals.... Compassion automatically invites you to relate with people, because you no longer regard people as a drain on your energy. They recharge your energy, because in the process of relating with them, you acknowledge your wealth, your richness. So if you have difficult tasks to perform, such as dealing with people or life situations, you do not feel you are running out of resources. Each time you are faced with a difficult task, it presents itself as a delightful opportunity to demonstrate your richness, your wealth. There is no feeling of poverty at all in this approach to life.

from Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa

I just found out that one of my monastic classmates is an abbot of a monastery.

How fucking cool is that--to be learning the Dharma in this setting, alongside advanced practitioners and beginners alike?

I have to come up with term paper topics, outlines and bibliographies in the next couple of weeks.  I'm not sure what to write about in either case, so I better schedule some office hours with my profs.  Both are around 15-18 pages, so if there's some crossover in my research, all the better.

In the meantime, I'm curious about Buddhism (particularly dependent-origination/causlity) and anti-essentialism, and whether an examination of such is within the scope of the course (I think it is, but I don't know how to research it at this point).  Similarly, I'm interested in the emphasis on "purity" in the sutras, and wondering how that is identified/defined and what sort of reframing of the idea is needed for a body-denying (or body-prescribing/proscribing) culture.

I'm curious about the book The Power of Denial: Buddhism, Purity and Gender -- perhaps it holds something interesting that might work for both.  I also found a blog full of inspiration points.

Perhaps I could write a paper on the role of context and colloquial language and response to existing Brahmanical culture at the time of the Buddha, and how that might look for us moderns -- our context, our language, our cultural systems.  Of course, this has probably been done ad nauseum...but I haven't written my version yet, with my own particular queerly oblique angle.

So it turns out that grad school isn't easy because it requires a depth of interest in and engagement with the material of study which I have previously reserved only for the topic of third (fourth?) wave feminism (race, class, gender, ethnicity, ability, age, sexuality, all in the contexts of power, privilege and difference).  Right now, I'm enamored of the historical approach and the emphasis on cultural context and shifting it away from the actual Buddhist content...but I would not, frankly, give a flying fuck through a rolling donut for the content of sutras.  Bleh.

Of course, I'm predisposed to the academic perspective.  I'd rather read about the sutras than read the sutras.  It's kind of like I'd prefer a litcrit view of The Canterbury Tales than actually read the translated Middle English.  Part of it is the pain of slogging through archaic language, part of it is the distance between myself and the time/culture out of which the sutras came. For me, it's that the modern individual (i.e. me) needs a different model of the enlightened being for all of these reasons as well.  Because of all of this, I'll probably end up being a rather good student of the sutras.

I wonder if the sutras ever have a character like the Wife of Bath.

On the upside, I am increasingly fond of my two professors, and one has unequivocally identified himself as a feminist.  One teaches context and method with an eye toward the content, the other teaches content with an eye on context and method.  The way their two classes intersect is rather a stroke of genius.

Today, I applied for the MA Indo-Tibetan Buddhism program @Naropa.  I hope everything falls into place.  Here's my statement of intent (aka application letter):

Student: Do you think a new kind of tantric tradition might develop here in the West, if it's being practiced by Buddhist meditator artists, so that a new imagery, based on personal experience might emerge?

Chogyam Trungpa: I very much hope so. In fact, what we are doing right now [at Naropa Institute] is to inspire such a situation. Only American Buddhists, who are inspired and who have their understanding together, can work with the Western world. That is necessary. There is only so long we can live on imports. There is some point where we had better manufacture for ourselves rather than borrowing from somebody else. Otherwise, we will be in enormous debt.[1]

        I want to create and articulate a comprehensive understanding of what may be named Queer Dharma.  This Queer Dharma, as I understand it so far, is heavily based on my personal experience; now I seek to develop it further through study.  In order to do so, I must integrate my spiritual practice, academic learning and contemplative engagement with the world with the rigor of my effort and the mindfulness of my intent, all within the context of my personal experience and through the lens of Queer Theory.  I do not know yet what form it will take, but I am and have been deeply inspired by this seedling idea since I first came to in the fall of 2004.  I see the Indo-Tibetan Buddhism program at as the most fitting next step in this larger movement of which I find myself an agent: the flowering of the Dharma in the West.
        Thus far in my academic career, I have only begun to skim the surface of postmodern theories, which contain the subset of Queer Theory.  However, it is deeply relevant to my personal experience as a woman, as a lesbian-identified queer, as an ally in the lives and struggles of people of color and the transgendered.  My understanding comes from an intimate knowing of myself and facing the boundaries of self and other within the power and privilege structures of human society.  I do not expect that I will be able to concentrate within this particular arena of study while at Naropa, but I do wish to continually inform my learning of Buddhism with the insights of postmodernism as I study it on my own.
        I come to Naropa for the Dharma, as it has been revealed in the East and taught to the West by Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche.  If there is one thing I am certain of after my three years at Naropa is that this university stands firmly planted at the crossroads of not just those two broadly-sketched systems of thought, but also the crossroads of popular understanding, misconception, genuine transformative practice and spiritual materialism.  Naropa is at full boil with a ever-mixing, self-reflecting, co-contributing soup of creative contrast.  Our differences in every angle of origin and our willingness to engage that difference, over and over, are the vital heart of this little school.  I can find no better place to study the Dharma as an American Buddhist.

        In order to move further in the trajectory of my academic career, which ideally will be a PhD program in Rhetoric at University of California at Berkeley with a concentration in Gender and Sexuality, I need solid rooting in the more scholarly piece of Buddhism, as well as a deepening of my practice.  I’ve compared Naropa’s program to similar programs at other universities, only to find that practice is de-emphasized, if it is  mentioned at all.  I cannot see how one can possibly study Buddhism without a genuine attempt at its methods, and so I am glad that Naropa excels in this regard.
        Likewise, I cannot see how one can study Buddhism and engage its methods without truly grappling with the content of the self who is the practitioner.  Western academia is largely unprepared to address the unquantifiable nature of subjectivity, but I know from personal experience at Naropa that I can expect to receive space to actively work with and integrate the friction between myself as practitioner, myself as scholar, myself as no-self and myself as all possible manifestation into a more comprehensive understanding, whether in meditation instruction, the classroom, or in related discussion with classmates.  At Naropa, I feel the full spectrum of being is openly invited to participate, to learn, to contribute.
        Without this particular angle of education, of practice, of engagement, as offered at Naropa, I am certain that any further attempts to create a comprehensive Queer Dharma will flounder and fail.  Likewise, my intent for future study will be fall short of the measures I set if I cannot study gender, sexuality and postmodern theory with the insights of a Buddhist perspective.  I have begun with developing a method for personal discovery of what Queer Dharma might mean for an individual, as can be seen in my BA Contemplative Psychology senior thesis (submitted with this application as my writing sample).  I seek entrance to this program to take this much further, to discover and address the shortfalls of my thought, to discover new views and insights, and to craft the rough method into a consistent approach.  I am inspired to create a new kind of tantric tradition; I want to pull my understanding together so that I might articulate it in a way that outlives me.

Among the many experiences of my morning, I see in myself a deep longing for Dathun--to reacquaint myself/mybody with the rhythms of the day: meditation, teaching, oryoki meals, chanting, more meditation.  Long periods of silence.  Discerning self/other other/other self/self in the vastness afforded by nonspeaking our experience to each other.  Undertstandings passing only in the gaze before eyes averted, back to practice.  But everything is practice, most especially watching the twinge of aversion, letting it go until it doesn't need to occur.

The states of openness/self-seeing/other-being/inviting I've been in of late remind me much of the texture of Dathun.  I miss practice.

Brenda, who ought to be a teacher, or is at least as close to what I recognize as what I'm looking for in a teacher, told me that I've not stopped practicing--I've just stopped sitting.  Indeed, I still practice a mindfulness, patience, gentleness with other and self, particularly in relationship (to any human being, or to my cat).  I practice just being there, really there, with whatever is coming up betwixt us, in them, in myself.  Looking at my anxiety and being with it, trying to ride the currents of that twittering energy, rather than letting it ride me.  Looking at the shielding of my heart and constantly, gently, easing it open.

When I sit regularly, I am better at this.  But at least I'm still practicing something.  I want to practice more.

I am, I admit, a bit attached to the heightened states of being which come of consistent practice.  I want to be that wakeful, capable and open all of the time.  I can't always be, but I can be more (I always already am).

Today, April 4, is the Parinirvana Day of Chogyam Trungpa.  In a sense, it is also that of Martin Luther King Jr.  I mean, if the former was enlightened, why not the latter?

In any case, I'll be attending a Sadhana of Mahamudra tonight, about which I am full of anticipation.

Not yet two weeks ago, I interviewed for a soon-to-be-opening position here in my department.  It'd be something like a promotion, insofar as it's a move up in pay, but in an entirely different set of responsibilities, so it's not like going from senior to lead administrator, or anything like that.  In any case, I'd be very good at it, and I was sort of tentatively offered the job this morning (and told that they know I'd be really good at it).  Here's the clincher: during my interview, I mentioned my intention to do a full Dathun next winter.  However, taking off for a month mid-winter (between semesters, granted) is not particularly feasible for the Assistant Registrar, due to very complicated responsibilities during that time (conferring degrees on the recently-graduated students, for example). They said they'd try to work with that for me, but after some time considering it, it's not workable.

And so, I said I couldn't take the position.  I need the flexibility of whatever my employment is such that I can attend at least one retreat each year.

It's comforting, somehow, to have such clarity and certainty about one thing in my life.  It's a start.

• Buddhism as a lifestyle choice changes nothing
• the body knows--the body is the unconscious
  
• boycott your own inauthenticity
• development of the personality and the spiritual journey are not separate
  
• grieving is a sacred task -- our suffering is never about ourselves alone
  
• sorrow is walking hand-in-hand with joy
• we cannot be human until we find a deeper and more intimate way to be in the world
• begin to feel into your experience and sense what is going on in you
• utter stillness is the most intense invitation we can make to the totality to come and reclaim us
• the journey has its own perfect and appropriate timing
• we survive by opening, not closing
• Buddhism is alive and dynamic to the extent that it welcomes the other
• it's completely appropriate to feel paranoid about meditation -- if there aren't things turning up that genuinely challenge you, then there's something wrong with your practice
  

-- Reggie Ray during the 0607 Dathun

Patience

Disclaimer:  I have not (yet) studied Chinese calligraphy/brushstroke.

In the calligraphy to the left is the Chinese for patience.  The top character combines both "heart" and "blade"  The bottom character is that of "law" and "now".

For myself, patience means staying with the chest-clenching anxiety that I often experience, as well as staying with the less frequent sort of pain that feels like I've been stabbed in the heart.  It also means staying with the relative highs and lows I experience in my periodic mood swings.  Staying with the mania, which is so exuberant and intoxicating, is more challenging than staying with the depression.

Staying with it means literally staying with the experience as it occurs, now, immanently.  Feeling it.  Not spinning the stories, not believing what my mind yammers on about as to what I should do to stop/change the feeling.  Quite often, when I get that heart feeling, I wish to act on it, to run, to pursue whatever it is that seems to be the source or cause.  I want to wrestle it to the ground, do whatever it is that needs to be done to quell the ache, make me feel reassured, safe, confident, whatever.  To kill the anxiety, to sooth my heart.  Sometimes I achieve this end by talking to someone, spitting out my anxiety into the world.  While it's often helpful in the psychological sense to get things off our chests, in the moment of greatest intensity the practice is to stay.  Just stay.  The intensity will pass. Clarity will return.  Just stay.

The implication of law in patience, for me, is that of karma.  Acting out from the stirred-up energy is not likely to bring about good ends.  Or, whatever ends it achieves will bring with it unforseen consequences or complicating factors.  It's not skillful to act out one's agitations -- this spreads personal discord out into the world.  (However, this is not to say that one shouldn't call their therapist or a friend when severely triggered or agitated--I've done so myself.)   This is not to imply, however, that one cannot act with patience from a state of agitation.  A fearless sort of wisdom acts with/within the chaotic emotional states we experience--not suppressing the energy of experience, but by working directly with it.

"When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." -- Audre Lorde

The subtle questions of patience are: are you riding the energies of your life, or are the energies riding you?  Are you acting from your center, or are you spinning out in chaos?  Are you making conscious, clear, informed choices, or are you acting rashly?